When I was a kid, I used to love being in the water. I can remember summers during middle school at a friend’s house. We spent the long, hot days in the pool swimming to keep cool. I couldn’t wait for summertime to spend time making memories with my friends.
The older I get, the more I’m aware of how my body looks in a swimsuit. Styles change and may not necessarily be flattering to my body shape. I avoided activities that required a swimsuit and missed out on countless opportunities. When summer approached, I would dread having to try on my swimsuit to see if it fit.
Summer is here and I had to try on my swimsuit. It was hard not to tear up when trying them on. It’s difficult to examine what your body looks like when you feel on display. Avoiding activities that required a swimsuit became like second nature to me. I would even volunteer to take the group photo, to keep from being in it. You can understand why you are avoiding this, but it’s eye-opening when you realize that your children do not. They don’t understand why you won’t swim or play in the sand with them. Years later as they look through family albums, they’ll wonder why you weren’t in the pictures.
I remember looking at photos from my childhood and seeing pictures of a beach trip with my parents. The pictures showed them both participating and enjoying the day’s activities. I may not recount all the events of that day because I was too young, but I can look back and smile to think about our happy adventure as a family.
This year I decided that I was going to be an active part in making memories even though I’m not completely comfortable with my body in a swimsuit. Because my two-year-old won’t understand why his momma won’t play in the sand, search for shark teeth, or walk in the water with him. He won’t understand why momma would rather hide behind the camera than be in the photo. I want us to be able to look back on the photos years later and smile because we had an amazing time making memories as a family.
For more reflections from my heart, check out Don’t Miss the Party.
